


full blossom

by wonderstruckxxx



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mentioned Hwang Minhyun, Mentioned Kang Dongho - Freeform, Mentioned Kim Jaehwan, Mentioned Ong Seongwoo, Mentioned Park Jihoon, Mentioned Yoon Jisung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 09:28:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16447235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderstruckxxx/pseuds/wonderstruckxxx
Summary: Something in Daniel’s heart clenches, as he thinks about the stark contrast of Woojin’s crimson red to his pale white. He sighs to himself, because more than two years in, he still can't understand how things that hold so much beauty could cause so much pain.





	full blossom

Daniel comes back from the library at sundown. It’s the warm red and orange filtering through the only window in their cramped living room that greets him, the colors a stark contrast to the otherwise monochromatic walls. He toes off his shoes by the door, placing his pair of black worn-out Converse sneakers on his side of the shoe rack. The first thing he notices are the rose petals, various shades of crimson tainting the hardwood floor. He takes a few more steps, his eyes narrowing in confusion. But with the living room now in full view, Daniel sees more petals, a hundred maybe. And it the midst of it all is his roommate, hugging his legs, his knees tucked under his chin.

It’s the middle of winter, and yet the scene right before him is all too familiar.

Woojin is staring at a wall. And it’s obvious that he’s been crying, his eyes puffy and red. Daniel doesn’t say anything as he crosses the room, heading towards the kitchen, if they could call a small corner with a tiny countertop and a clogged sink that, to grab Woojin’s mug. He fills it with water, and hands it over to the younger boy, not bothering to ask questions because what is there to ask really. He’s learned not to ask, because there could only be one explanation for the petals and the crestfallen look on Woojin’s face.

He’s known Woojin for as long as he could remember, growing up in the same neighborhood, going to the same schools, living together in Seoul. He could easily make a guess, but he doesn’t want to dwell on it for too long. He focuses on one thing. This isn’t about him, this is about Woojin and what the younger is going through. The look on Woojin’s face is one that he hasn’t seen ever. And that’s how he knows for sure. But the thing is, he doesn’t know what to do. He has no idea how to make it better.

He doesn’t look back to see if Woojin had drank the water. He knows it’ll help, Woojin’s throat will most likely hurt a lot if this is the first time. He should know.

He dumps his papers and books on the desk, not going out of his way to sort them out. Mid-semester exams are coming up, and Ortho and Neuro are killing him. He’s in his fourth year of med school, more than halfway there. And if god forbid, he’s literally hanging by a thread or two.

But this is what he wants, it’s just that his brain doesn’t actually have the capacity to match the high demands of medschool. Sure, his CSAT score was really high, one of the highest in their high school batch. He was the student council treasurer, was the president of the research club, and was class salutatorian. But nothing in high school prepared him for this, nothing came close.

He takes off his coat and grabs a blue sweater and a pair of thick jogging pants. He might as well just sleep it off, he’s been studying since his last class at 12 ended. And his brain is fried, literally nothing is making sense anymore. The diagrams are starting to look like stick figures drawn by a three year old. And really, he’d rather go back to his advance calculus classes in high school, and he hated calculus

He gets out of his room only to see his roommate, one of his closest friends, curled up in their shabby couch that’s most likely older than both of them, probably older than their ages combined. The flower petals are all gone, and he finds it surprising how the younger boy managed to clean up despite what’s happening to him. It’s tough. The first few months of the disease are. And Daniel, Daniel shouldn’t being hurting, but he does. He hurts, and there’s a blooming pain in his chest, testament to what has been steadily growing in his heart for the past four years. But he pushes it down, because really, this shouldn’t be about him. He’s known all along, and he’s aware of his truth. He finds himself walking over towards the coat closet to look for the spare comforter his mother sent over last winter when he had mentioned to her about their faulty heater and the freezing cold.

He shakes off the comforter, getting rid of the dust that has accumulated on it. He hasn’t used it at all this year, because the cold isn’t really getting to him yet. So far, the blanket and the comforter he already has on his bed have been enough. He sleeps in sweaters and thick jogging pants too, so the extra comforter hasn’t been used or washed in almost a year.

A small cloud of dust forms and falls, and he slowly lays the comforter over Woojin. Daniel watches as the tense expression on Woojin’s face soften, as the shivers on his body stops, as he involuntarily pulls the blanket closer. Daniel notices a small crimson petal, caught in between the strands of Woojin’s hair, a stark contrast against his platinum blonde hair. Something in Daniel’s heart clenches, as he thinks about how different Woojin’s crimson red looks to his pale white. He sighs to himself, because more than two years in, he still can’t understand how things that hold so much beauty could cause so much pain.

 

~~~~~

 

Soft hues of yellow and orange fill the room, refracting through the cracks of the blinds, lines of light leaving faint patterns on his white blanket. Mornings like these are rare for Daniel, because his days usually start at noon, when the sun is already high up. His days end at the wee hours of the morning and begin just a bit after lunch. It wasn’t always like this, but somewhere along the piles of schoolwork, endless transes to study and countless exams to take, he found his calm and productivity in the quiet nights he spent alone in his room under the artificial lighting, stuck with his books and unfinished reports. Seeing the sun go up is a novelty, but it’s not the unusual warmth that wakes him up, it’s the faint smell of food, bacon and pancakes from what he can tell, that roused him from his sleep. And if early mornings were unusual, home cooked food is even rarer.

In the months they’ve been staying together in this apartment, as far as Daniel remembers, no one has dared use the stove for something that isn’t boiling ramen. They usually stick to take-out, reheating the left-overs in the microwave. But Daniel could make out the sound of something frying, the smell really too familiar to be anything else but bacon. Woojin is cooking breakfast, and it’s weird.

He drags himself out of his room, and he’s greeted by an already set table, complete with the ceramic plates and metal utensils the rarely use, and a sheepish looking Woojin whose eyes are still noticeably red and slightly swollen.

“Uh, breakfast?” The younger boy says unintelligibly, his right hand gesturing vaguely at food on the table, a small smile on his lips.

Despite the smile, Daniel can feel the sadness radiating from Woojin. He sees it in the way Woojin’s shoulders are hunched, his eyes glassy. Daniel knows this look, has seen it so many times before, not on Woojin, but it’s painfully familiar. And it’s the look he sees every time he looks at a mirror. It’s the look of hopeful dejection. And he can easily say is much worse than just sadness and dejection combined. Because with this pain comes a glimmer of hope.

He tries a slight smile in return, eyes scanning the table. He was right about the bacon, there were pancakes and fried rice too.

“I- um- hyung, I’m really sorry you had to see me like that last night,” the younger boy mumbles, a bit of a blush on his cheeks. Daniel finds it amusing, albeit a bit misplaced, people shouldn’t be embarrassed about showing emotion, for being human.

“Ah, Woojin, it’s okay, you don’t need to be sorry. It’s not like I haven’t seen your cry before, remember your sophomore year in high school? Jihoon? ” Daniel says, a bit of mischief mixed in. He pushes around the food on his plate with his fork. The food is nothing special, the rice is a bit too soggy, the bacon a bit burnt, and the pancakes undercooked. But Daniel feels the sincerity in its intent.

“What the heck, hyung! Don’t remind me about that!” Woojin says, his mood significantly lighter.

Daniel lets out a laugh, his heart swelling at the sound of Woojin’s laugh. And this, this is what makes Daniel go weak. It’s been 4 years since, his senior year in high school and Woojin’s freshman year. He still remembers that day with much clarity. He remembers watching Woojin run across the school’s football field. He even remembers it in the most vivid slow motion. He remembers the warmth in that hug the younger pulled him into, his snaggletooth in that smile he was wearing as he congratulated Daniel for getting into med school. It was in that moment he knew for sure. That he, Kang Daniel, was irrevocably in love with Park Woojin, his childhood best friend.

And last night, he found Woojin in tears, surrounded by the petals from the flowers that had bloomed in his chest, flowers that had bloomed because he had loved someone that didn’t love him back. And Daniel hurts doubly, knowing that there’s nothing he can do to make those flower and the pain that accompanies them go away.

They eat the rest of the food in a comfortable silence, only the clink of the utensils shared between them. He knows Woojin’s schedule enough to know that the younger boy has dance practice in the morning and classes in the afternoon. So when Woojin makes an attempt to clear the plates, he’s quick to act.

“Woojin, don’t worry about, I’ll clean up. You’ll be late for training,” he says, taking the plates from the younger boy’s hands.

Woojin looks so apologetic, so Daniel gives him a warm smile.

Woojin returns a small smile, and Daniel watches as Woojin grabs his duffel bag, waving at him before heading out the door. He clears the table while humming to himself. The tune he’s humming is something he’s been working on with his friends. He’s supposed to meet up with Jaehwan today too, before he heads for to his Urology class, to talk about how his rap has been going.

Daniel is by any means no expert, rapping is just a hobby he picked up in high school. If anything, it’s Jaehwan who probably knows more about the technical stuff, minoring in music production and all. But he enjoys it, it takes away some of the stress he gets from med school. He doesn’t much have time for it anymore, but he helps his friends whenever he can.

He leaves the dishes to dry on a rack and grabs his phone from the countertop. There’s a message from Jaehwan telling him that they’re meeting up at the coffee shop halfway between their apartments in an hour. He decides to dress up and prepare ahead, wanting to have the chance to go and walk around to clear his head a bit.

Daniel thinks he’s a logical person, but his friends often told him he was too soft, too nice. That his life choices often leave him in the losing end. Jaehwan often told him that this set-up, with him living with Woojin would only leave him hurting even more.

He’s done enough reading and studying to know how thing entire thing works. How the flowers would grow, often it’s a slow process, the roots taking their hold little by little as one’s feelings intensify. Up until his third year, he had been rooming with Jaehwan, then just a friend of a friend, who ended up becoming one of his closest friends.

When he first moved to Seoul, there weren’t signs of the disease yet. From what he’s read, it often takes months before the symptoms manifest. First, he’d experience frequent coughing episodes, which he initially attributed to the common flu. But as the year passed, with him still in constant contact with Woojin who was still in Busan, his feelings and the flowers continued growing.

He still remembers the first bunch of petals. It was the end of his freshman year in med school, and he had gone home for the break. As soon as he dropped his things in his room, he set out across the street to Woojin’s house. And what greeted him was the ending scene of what was Woojin’s confession to Park Jihoon.

He watched as Jihoon ran out the door past him, giving him a polite greeting before bolting out the door. It was a rejection, and he had watched as Woojin cried quietly, tears streaming down his face. He had been quick to envelope the younger in a hug then, patiently waiting for the explanation to what he had seen.

He knew who Jihoon was, Jihoon was probably Woojin’s closest friend aside from him. And Woojin told him that he had confessed to Jihoon before he arrived. Woojin was rejected, and he had told Daniel that what brought him to tears was the fear that he could have ruined a perfectly good friendship.

Daniel was quick to assure him that it would be okay, and they spent the night on Woojin’s bed, catching up on each other’s lives, even though they messaged each other almost everyday. When he got home the next day, the most intense of his coughing episodes had occurred, and what had followed was the first handful of petals. Later, he would find out that they were white carnations, and they represented innocence and pure love.

It’s been more than two years since then, and it’s been a couple of months since he and Woojin started living together. It was bound to happen. Daniel had promised they would share a place when Woojin gets into a university in Seoul. And he knows how Woojin worked doubly hard to catch up, considering that his grades weren’t as stellar. Being around Woojin was something he had been looking forward to, but he soon realized that it was a double-edged sword.

Because being around Woojin only intensified his feelings, which meant he had been coughing out petals more often and in greater amounts, making it a lot harder to hide from the younger.

His older friends, Jisung and Seongwoo would often nag him about the flowers, about how they would only hurt him if he doesn’t do anything about them. And he knows. Of course he does. He learned about it in class, and knowing about the procedures don’t change anything.

It had never crossed his mind to have them removed, because even though it hurts, he never wants to stop loving Woojin.

 

~~~~~

 

Daniel got to school earlier than expected, so he decided to grab a drink from the coffee shop at the library. He’s near the entrance when he sees a familiar pair. It’s Hwang Minhyun and Kang Dongho, holding hands and looking at each other like they hold the world.

And it all clicks into place. The thing was, Woojin couldn’t stop talking about Minhyun since he saw him when he visited Daniel at school. Minhyun and Dongho are Daniel’s seniors. The pair seem to give off an opposing vibe, but their chemistry is undeniable. They’re both good looking, and Minhyun especially looks like he came out of a manhwa.

So when Woojin told him a couple of months ago about his crush on the older guy, he didn’t think much about it. It’s not like he didn’t have the same crush on Minhyun too during his freshman year. He didn’t think much of it, because it’s not like Woojin would be seeing more of Minhyun. But what he didn’t know was, Minhyun was a regular at that coffee shop Woojin had started working at. Woojin not telling him about that bit of information somehow irks him, but he doesn’t want to dwell on it. Because now, he knows that in that span of time, Woojin’s feelings for Minhyun grew.

He can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy, which he quickly realizes is groundless, because Minhyun is already taken. But that doesn’t exactly change Woojin’s feelings, or at least not immediately. But then again, he thinks, he’s been unrequitedly in love with Woojin for years, what makes him think that Woojin wouldn’t be the same for Minhyun.

It makes him think, and he easily decides that he would do his best to take care of Woojin. That he would make sure that through the hurt that Woojin would be going through, he would be there. Because after all, what’s there for him to lose.

He’s in too deep, and surely, there was no going back.

 

~~~~~

 

Daniel is running, so fast that it feels as if his heart was beating twice its normal rate. He was in his last class of the day, a boring three hour lecture, when he received a text from Woojin. At first he didn’t think much of it, Woojin would usually text around this time, his classes ending earlier, to ask about dinner.

But the two words in that message were enough for Daniel to pack his bag and bolt out the lecture hall.

_Hyung, help_

Their apartment was a ten minute bus ride away, but it was rush hour, and it’s almost impossible to get a ride in less than twenty minutes. So he runs.

To say he’s scared is an understatement. His mind is a complete mess, because Woojin never texts him like this. Woojin often whines about the smallest things, but he isn’t the kind to ask for help blatantly. Often times, Daniel would notice first and then offer his help. Which means, this could be an emergency.

His surroundings are a blur, and he’s been bumping into people on the street. He continuously throws out his apologies, but still he runs at a constant speed.

When he reaches their apartment building, the three floors he has to climb never felt so high. What greets him is a trail of red, beginning from the last step of the staircase leading to their apartment. Daniel runs, and as soon as he steps inside, he hears Woojin coughing and retching.

He immediately runs to the bathroom, only to be met by a pale Woojin, leaning on the toilet bowl, with barely enough energy to keep himself upright. There’s so much red, Woojin’s crimson roses scattered on the floor, filling up the sink, and floating on the toilet. There’s red on Woojin’s lips too, and it takes a while for Daniel to realize that it’s blood.

He rushes over to Woojin’s hunched figure, and he removes his slumped body from the toilet and places him in his arms. Woojin was slipping in and out of consciousness, and Daniel’s heart breaks to see how sick the Woojin looks. He places a hand on the his best friend’s cheek, and with his thumb, he wipes away the blood on the corners of Woojin’s lips.

“Hyung…”, Woojin says with a rough, weak voice. The hoarseness caused by the excessive vomiting and coughing.

Daniel gives Woojin a small reassuring smile, his hand still on his cheek, “Yah, Park Woojin. You don’t have to say anything, I’m here. Hyung will take care of you.”

 

~~~~~

 

“Kang Daniel, what do you think you’re doing, huh?”

He knows what Seungwoo is going to say, and it’s not like he’s going to say is wrong. It isn’t. Daniel feels like shit, and he probably looks like it too. It’s been going on for a while, and everybody seems to be noticing.

“Hyung, I know…” he says, as he picks on the food on his tray.

It’s been weeks since his episodes worsened, as they became more often and more intense. When this all started, the white carnations had been fascinating to him. They looked so delicate and pure in his hands, and when he tried hard enough, he had been able to force himself to forget about the strain in his throat and the pain in his chest. But now it’s much more difficult, but he still manages to hide from Woojin, even if they’re together more often as well. But as the weeks go by, it started becoming more apparent that he’s really sick. His cheeks have become a bit hollow and his skin a lot paler, and simply moving around has become a chore for him. He goes to all his classes still, attends his lectures, goes to his lab classes. But he feels as if the life was sucked out of him.

He looks down at the food in front of him, none of the food look palatable to him, even though his friends bought literally all of his favorite food, not when he’s sure their going down the drain anyway. His body feels like it’s going to give up on him, but he remains stubborn. Still always looking after Woojin, always there when the younger needs him. Still choosing him.

It’s the only thing he can do. The only thing he can do is make sure that Woojin doesn’t go through this alone. He can’t take away the pain that comes with the disease, but he tries his best to take care of the younger. And he knows. He knows it’s taking toll on him, that while he takes care of Woojin, as he watches the younger cope with the the disease, as he holds his hand through it, he, on the other hand, is putting himself through so much pain.

Because the longer and stronger he loves, the more this disease consumes him, the stronger the grip of the flowers on his heart.

“Daniel, we know nothing we say can change your mind. But please, think about yourself. Think about your future, just this once.” Jisung says, looking at him with pleading eyes.

But he could only smile at his friends apologetically. Because even though he knows that at this rate his days could be numbered, he still chooses to love Woojin. Even though it hurts. Even though it’s probably crazy to think that he’d give up everything, every single thing he’d worked so hard for. And maybe it is. Maybe it’s crazy, maybe he’s gone insane.

Because even though he’s feeling so much pain because he chooses to love Woojin, it’s still Woojin who manages to make him smile. Seeing Woojin feel better, watching the younger regain his health, hearing him laugh more, is what keeps Daniel going.

And he knows that at this point, his friends probably think he’s really lost it. But to him it’s plain and simple. That to love is to never think of what you would lose, because to love is to give without asking for anything in return.

Because this disease, even though it’s what makes everything so difficult, is what proves that he’s capable of loving someone so much it could kill him.

He looks at Seungwoo, Jaehwan, and Jisung. And finally, for the first time since he was diagnosed, Daniel cries. He cries so hard, his chest hurt. Because he’s made his choice, and he knows for certain how all of this is going to end.

 

~~~~~

 

_“Hyung! Hurry up!”_

_It’s a Friday night, and technically Woojin isn’t supposed to be out this late, but Daniel indulges him as always. Daniel just received his last paycheck from his part-time job at the clinic near their house, and Woojin insisted that they go eat at their favorite samgyeopsal place._

_It’s the summer before he goes to university in Seoul, and as much as it excited him that he’s about to begin going towards his dream of becoming a doctor, the idea of being apart from Woojin saddens him. It’s only been a month since he realized that he had feelings for his best friend, and he feels as if being apart would lessen his chances of simply being around Woojin and spoiling him even more than he already has._

_He smiles at the sight of Woojin’s excitement, and he can’t help but think that he’d do anything to keep Woojin smiling like that._

_He’s caught off-guard when Woojin grabs his hand and pulls him along._

_“Hyung, why are you walking so slowly? I’m hungry!”_

_Daniel laughs at how cute Woojin looks, his cheeks still full, his hair still a weird mix of browns from that experiment he insisted doing. If he were to be honest, he’s not really sure how his feelings would progress, but he knows he feels happy like this._

_He lets Woojin drag him towards the samgyeopsal place a couple of blocks away from their neighborhood._

_There nothing but the streetlights illuminating the path their walking, but somehow this moment feels more special than it should be. And Daniel knows, when he leaves in a week, it’s a memory he’ll keep closely in his heart._

 

“Okay, class dismissed.”

Daniel wakes up with a start. The room is spinning, and all he could do was grip the edge of the table to keep himself upright. He’s seated at the back of the lecture hall, and the entire class, despite the sorry state he’s currently in, he did his best to stay awake. This is one of the last lectures, and in the next weeks, he’ll be having mostly lab classes and exams. The thing is, he knows he has to keep up. He’s not going to stop trying, so he tries to listen in class, so he wouldn’t have such a hard time going through the transes.

But he fails miserably, because he hasn’t slept properly in weeks, and his last meal was the galguksu that Jaehwan had to almost force feed him yesterday at lunch time. How he managed to get to class, he’s not even sure, because everything is so hazy. He’s been less on-guard the past few days, because Woojin is out of town for a dance competition. But despite everything, he still had the strength to go and send-off Woojin and his team at the train station.

He doesn’t have anything else to do for the day, except he has to read through the transes for today’s lecture which he effectively missed. So he decides to just head back home, and at least try to get some sleep.

Seemingly in a daze, he slowly fixes his things. But when he tries to get up, his vision blurs then darkens, and he falls, completely losing his consciousness.

 

~~~~~

 

It’s been a couple of days since Woojin left Seoul with his dance team. They were lucky enough to get a spot at a competition in Gwangju, where they ended up winning second place, and Woojin couldn’t be any happier.

Woojin almost lost his spot in the team a month ago, and that was during the time he missed consecutive practices, the same time the disease manifested. If Woojin were to be honest, he didn’t expect his feelings for Minhyun to be that intense, to the point he’d have flowers taking root in his heart. But at that time, they were. His feelings were so strong, that it had ended up causing him so much pain.

The past few weeks haven’t been easy, but having Daniel with him made everything a lot better. His hyung had been with him through it all, and he’s thankful that he has someone there for him. So far, the episodes have become less. From having more than 2 episodes a day at the start, he hasn’t had one since he left Seoul.

He thinks he’s moved on somehow. When he thinks about it, he really has a thing for pretty boys that don’t ended up falling for him too. And through all those moments in his life, Daniel was there to cheer him up. Truth be told, he doesn’t even remember a time in his life without Daniel in it. And it’s always Daniel taking care of him, so he wonders if it’s time for him to take care of his hyung.

He’s noticed lately how Daniel seems a lot thinner, a bit sickly even. But when he asked, his hyung just told him that it’s because of stress with school. Still, he’s worried. And he wonders what he could do or start doing to take care of the person who always takes care of him.

So with Daniel’s favorite food from the small stall near their apartment, Woojin comes home. It’s late, but he’s pretty sure Daniel will still be up, studying at their tiny dining table.

But he comes home to an empty apartment. Which isn’t exactly odd, but then he realizes that Daniel hasn’t message him since the other night, when he wished Woojin luck. He didn’t realize it earlier, because he was so excited about their win.

So he panics a bit. He turns on the lights, and he’s about to message some of Daniel’s older friends, when he sees a note on the kitchen table.

 

_Woojin-ah,_

_Hyung is going away for a bit. I’m sorry I never told you. But know that I will always love you, more than you think, maybe even more than I should._

_Live your life well. Don’t worry too much about me. I’ll come back to see you soon._

_Daniel hyung_

 

Woojin heart races as soon as he finishes reading the note. He goes to Daniel’s room, only to see it almost empty. His books are gone. His nightstand is bare. His bed is clear. When Woojin opens his closet, the only things left are the clothes that Woojin always borrows. A black hoodie and an orange shirt.

He goes out to check their shoe closet, and half of it is empty.

His hyung is gone, and Woojin doesn’t understand what’s happening. He looks back at the note. He reads it again and again, then he realizes.

The note is a confession. And suddenly, he’s hit with a wave of guilt, that’s immediately overpowered by a wave of worry. Because it’s easy to connect the dots, and he realizes now what Daniel has been going through. That’s he’s sick, like Woojin, because of Woojin.

He knows that Daniel would only be upset if he lets himself be swallowed by guilt. But now he sees everything in a different light, and he can’t help but feel so stupid for being so dense. Because Daniel was never subtle in his affection for Woojin, even Woojin knows that. But it never crossed his mind that the older would even harbor feelings like those for him. And now, it all makes sense. Especially what Jihoon has been telling him since their senior year.

That no one approached him in high school, even though there were people who liked him after his said glow-up, because there was talk of Woojin having an older boyfriend in Seoul. Which he laughed off then, but didn’t bother to deny, because he didn’t even want to date. And he found it amusing how people thought he was dating his favorite hyung.

And he feels so stupid, because everyone saw it, but he didn’t. He took everything Daniel did for him as things you would do for your best friend, because ever since they were kids, that was how Daniel treated him. So he guesses, he never realized it, because Daniel has always been the same. And he didn’t see where everything changed, because to him, that was how they always were.

And now he knows. He knows that his hyung is sick, and it’s because of him. And now, the only thing he can do is wait. And wait for everything to fall into place.

 

~~~~~

  


It’s be exactly ten months and thirteen days since Woojin came home to an empty dorm room, since the day he found out that Daniel was in love with him. In those ten months, he only received a letter once, a handwritten letter from the older, telling him about his travels, how being in different places gave him a different perspective in life. He talked about going around Europe, how different but beautiful everything was. In its last paragraph, he wrote about how he still loves Woojin, but he somehow feels better, how his heart feels lighter.

In hindsight, the older should have and could have realized it. But Woojin thinks he hasn’t, and maybe it’s for the better. Maybe it’s better that he doesn’t find out what Woojin realized in his absence.

Woojin doesn’t really know anything about love. And what had happened before with Minhyun was his first time dealing with his feelings. So he doesn’t exactly know what’s happening. So he talked to Jihoon about what he's been feeling, the only other person who knew about him getting sick a year ago. He talked to Jihoon about everything from start to end.

Because at first, he wasn’t sure. Because he thought it’s only because he felt the gaps Daniel’s absence left in everything he did. When he woke up in the morning, Daniel would always envelope him in a bear hug and mess up his hair and ask him if he slept well. When he has training, Daniel would always have his water container filled and placed inside his bag. When he gets back from his late classes, Daniel would always be there on the dining table with his transes and his books, telling him that there’s food for him in the microwave. When he has a bad exam, Daniel would be ready with his favorite movie and vanilla ice cream to cheer him. When he gets sick, Daniel would make him his favorite soup and prepare all the medicine he would need to get better.

He feels the loss in everything he does, so he wondered if what he felt had something to do with the fact that Daniel was gone. That he was only having and realizing his feelings because Daniel was gone. He thought for a very long time. He tried to understand whether he was just projecting his emotions, but Daniel saying that he loves him still, but he feels less of the pain. Wasn’t that a testament that his feelings were real? Is he even allowed to assume things like this after everything that’s happened?

But his feelings feel definite. He’s sure that it’s love. And it’s the kind that doesn’t stem from pity or guilt. Because that’s something he pondered for so long, he wants to be sure, because if he weren’t, he would only cause his hyung more pain.

He’s sure it’s love. It’s love that was unrealized. It’s love that grew from understanding and a realization that this person is someone special to him, someone he can’t live without, someone that has been with him through everything, someone he has a special kind of affection for.

And it’s been more than half a year since that realization, and nothing has changed.

A couple of weeks ago, after he met Jaehwan, one of Daniel’s close friends by chance. And they had dinner. Jaehwan told him everything. That Daniel left because it was what his doctor suggested after he was rushed to the hospital after fainting in class because of the bad shape he was in. He told recommended Daniel to a specialist in France that was developing a remedy that helped ease the pain caused by the flowers that don't remove them and the feelings they accompany permanently. He told Woojin about how they had repeatedly asked Daniel to at least do something about his sorry state, to try and save himself before the flowers harm him permanently, but Daniel refused to have them removed. Because he wanted to love Woojin even if it hurt him.

And Woojin listened. He took everything in, and still, he knows. What he feels now is not affected by guilt. What he feels is not because of pity. It’s not, and it will never will be.

Woojin tells him about what he feels. Woojin tells him about the letter from two months ago.

And Jaehwan only smiles at him and says, “Wow, finally.”

They part that day, both uncertain when Daniel would come back. But somehow, with a broadened perspective, Woojin no longer feels impatient. Because he knows, Daniel would be back, and he’d be there to welcome him.

And they would talk. Because one thing he realized is that they never really talked about any of this, that somehow they were consumed by their own feelings, so much that they never really addressed what was happening.

His class just ended, and it’s a Thursday. Which meant he didn’t have rehearsals after class, but it meant that he had to go to his part-time job at a restaurant a couple of stations away from their apartment.

The thing was, when Daniel left, Woojin was left with an apartment he can’t pay with just his allowance from his parents and scholarship. But he refused to leave the place. So he picked up two part-time jobs, the other one as a student assistant at the library at his university.

He’s on his way to the bus station when his phone rings, it’s Jihoon, and he quickly picks up.

“Woojin, Mrs. Kim told me to tell you that you can have an off-day today. She’s worried you’re taking up too many shifts.” Jihoon tells him with a wariness in his tone.

“And I kind of agree, so yeah, see you tomorrow! And take a rest for once, you idiot.” Jihoon continues, his words biting, but his tone affectionate.

“Yeah, got it. See you in class, Ji. Thanks, and good night.”

He smiles as he pockets his phone. This is the first night he’s getting home before dark in months, and he decides to drop by their, his and Daniel’s, favorite food stall to get himself tteokbokki and odeng.

The old lady who owns the stall knows him, both of them actually, and she greets him with a bright smile when he gets there.

“Oh, Woojin-ah! Nice to see you again,” she says, already preparing his usual order.

“Good evening, Mrs. Lee. I missed your tteokbokki, I haven’t had it in a long time.” he replies, searching inside his bag for his wallet.

“Hi, Mrs. Lee! It’s been a while!”

Mrs. Lee’s face brightens, and Woojin’s heart stops.

Woojin would recognize that voice anywhere, so when he turns around, he knows.

Kang Daniel is there.

Woojin just stands there, and Daniel is just a couple of steps away from him. And he’s just there, smiling at Woojin so brightly. The thing is, he’s been imagining this day for months, and now it’s here. The day has come, but he doesn’t know what to do. He’s so overwhelmed just seeing the older, so much so, that he just bursts into tears right there and then.

He doesn’t even know why he’s crying, but the tears just won’t stop falling. He could only avert his gaze and look at his feet as he quickly tries to wipe off the tears from his eyes.

He doesn’t even have it in himself to be embarrassed at this point, after all, he’s pretty sure no one else is witnessing this aside from Mrs. Lee.

Then he feels a warm palm on top of his head, then on his wrist, pulling him out of the small stall.

Daniel pulls him towards a secluded corner. Still, he can’t look the older in the eye, because he’s still crying uncontrollably. But then there’s a hand tilting his head upward, and finally their eyes meet again.

“Hi, please don’t cry.” Daniel tells him, his voice soft, his tone laced with so much affection.

So much, that it only makes Woojin cry even harder, because god, it’s been months. And the longing he felt is surfacing now that the person he’s been waiting for is finally in front of him. There’s a small frown on Daniel’s face, as he lifts his hands to wipe off the tears from Woojin’s eyes.

“I surprised you, didn’t I?” he asks, still cradling Woojin face between his hands.

Woojin nods, still not finding the right words.

“But I’m back, for good,” he pauses.

Daniel’s hands moves down to his, and Woojin feels so warm as Daniel’s hands envelope his.

“And I’ll never leave your side again.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> wow, this has been a ride 
> 
> to be honest, a fic single-handedly opened my eyes to nielcham and i'd like to thank that fic for fuelling me to write this one
> 
> thank you for reading until here, and i hope we could all celebrate woojin's birthday by showering him w/ all the love he deserves! <3


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